Do you know the John Lennon song, “War is Over” – you probably do. It starts as “So this is Christmas… and what have you done…” Have a listen here:
Those were different times, weren’t they? There was military activity, peace protests and sit-ins. We just don’t do that any more. The militaries of the world’s nations still take action, but people don’t really protest it any more. I think that many people still want peace, but they feel overwhelmed. The world’s hotbeds of conflict are also complicated, deep-seated messes abounding with resentment and history. And maybe, thanks to those peace protests of the past, and wisdom traditions of the east, and writers like Deepak Chopra and the famous quote of Ghandi, we know that we really do have to be the change we want to see in the world.
Which means to have peace, we must be peace. We must cease our internal conflicts, stop judging and fighting with our family members, stop cursing at drivers on the road and stop villainizing everyone who makes a mistake. How would we do this? Speaking of overwhelming things, right?
What if we stopped categorizing things and seeing the world in black and white? What if we stopped labeling things, and criticizing others when in reality, we are so like them? What if we were kinder to ourselves, and this kindness and acceptance seeped into everything we do, the way we look at everything, and how we interact with every person in every way?
This is the core of it: we judge ourselves harshly so we judge others the same.
We may think others are judging us harshly so we gauge our response accordingly, but actually, almost everyone out there is so wrapped up in his/her own suffering, any judgement towards us has nothing to do with us.
What if we started telling ourselves, “I don’t want you to suffer.”(I got this idea from Elizabeth Gilbert in a podcast with Pete Holmes – loved it!) What if we started accepting the mistakes we make and foibles of the day as drops on a windshield – easily wiped away by a few hours’ sleep and a new day?
Anyone want to try it? This is what I am going to work on being more consistent in. I’m halfway there – I am able to do this a lot of the time, but I still do label things and people sometimes, judging them by their behaviour instead of seeing through it to their true nature. The harshest of people are just having a harder time making their way in the world. The angriest are just the most stressed. The inconsiderate ones are simply preoccupied.
By far, most of my interactions with people are awesome! They are fun and friendly! I take it as a good sign, that I’m attracting loveliness and lightheartedness into my life experience. But I am still not always “fun and friendly, lovely and lighthearted” with myself. I do sometimes make myself suffer. I occasionally want to teach myself a lesson – which is ridiculous! Seriously?!? I can learn lessons all over the place, and I don’t need any reproach! I have my maximum growth in the hardest of times, and I’ve been there, done that, and I don’t wear the T-shirt anymore because I don’t need any help to remember it! Those times shaped me. They molded me and I am absolutely not the same as I was. Every day I’m a little different, in fact. But in what way? I hope I’m a little kinder and more uplifting.
Join me, if you like, and stop making yourself suffer. Start accepting yourself and others more. Label things less, but most of all, if you mess up, talk to yourself about it for 5 minutes and then move on. To do anything more would be like continually bringing up a mistake to your teenage son or daughter, never letting them forget. How angry they would be!! And how quickly would they shut down and refuse to show anything of themselves to you. So, don’t foster that in yourself. Be sweet and endeavour to never bring your mistakes up again in that chiding, self-hating tone again.
We can be our own best friend or our own worst enemy. Which will you choose? So this is Christmas… Ready to try being a friend to yourself?!?