(In a majestic announcer’s voice): It is boundless, limitless, fenceless. It is inter-yardinal. An amazing, green expanse, interrupted only slightly by the white slivers of sidewalk crossing it. It is often wished for, and seldom set foot upon. But today, today, Eddie has been to The Front Yard. (cue adventure music, reminiscent of Indiana Jones theme music, but of course, uniquely enrapturing.)
Yes, he often desires to visit it, pines for it, meows by the Front Door of it, but rarely does the furry adventurer get to set foot paw on it. He sees it, through the massive, rectangular portal to all things west that is the living room window, and dreams of walking its grassy plains, rolling on its virgin sidewalk, eating its untasted delicacies. And today, all his dreams came true–actually, just the one (there was no sidewalk rolling, grass eating or strolling. He didn’t make it off the deck, actually, the tiny front deck that is at the front door. Alas, we continue the story…).
Today, the day at least part of one of his dreams came true, began simply enough. Quite a bit of sleeping, a bit of rolling over, a few pets from his esteemed, beautiful owner (why not?), and some urgent meowing at the back door to get a little fresh air and check the status of the neighbourhood from the safety of the fenced Back Yard. The owner, being lovely but slightly dense, did not understand his meowing, but then Eddie did not understand his owners verbal explanations about why he can’t go in the backyard because she was only home for a few minutes. But, little did he know that today is Thursday, known among all the people of the kingdom of High Level as the much-anticipated, weekly extravagance of… garbage day! (cue regal music)
Yes, as part of the well-regarded tradition of garbage day, Eddie’s owner, practical yet occasionally forgetful of what the hell day of the week it was, remembered to gather refuse from the various containers in the house, put them all in a bag and take out the trash. And today, for Eddie, the stars must have been aligned, because she actually decided to grant him his dream, to set foot paw on the unknown, breathe the fresh air of a truly free life! It was spectacular! So foreign, so alien in its fencelessness! Or course, as soon as a noisy truck went by, Eddie’s courage wavered, just for a second, and then completely collapsed. What monstrous behemoth would make such a noise and move at such frightening speeds? It could only be to his doom, so he bravely let his owner pick him up and carry him, most nobly, back into his prison that is the house. He should mention, however, that it is the nicest prison he’s ever known, where he doesn’t (hardly ever) go hungry, has water to drink, soft surfaces to sleep on (very important) and a box to poop in. So, it’s a very nice prison… but it doesn’t compare to (cue sweeping orchestral music) the freedom… excitement… joy… elation… of the Front Yard.
(I hope you enjoyed this piece of silliness. Sometimes, you just gotta… 🙂