identity

What You Can Learn From Being Alone

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You are not who you think you are… no one is. With no distractions, when you are truly alone with yourself, who are you?

And how can you find this out? Be alone. When I went on my big kayak trip last summer, I really started to feel like I was truly being myself on the 4th day. Something in me shifted. I became… genuine. Not in the way we usually mean genuine, more like I stopped the charade, dropped the pretenses. Why would I have pretenses with myself? I don’t know. All I know is that I felt a shift. Try spending at least 3 or 4 days completely alone, with no outside contact of any kind. You’ll get closer to meeting your true self.

But why bother? Why “meet myself?” Well, an interesting thing happens when you spend time by yourself — when you really connect with yourself and your intuition — and then reestablish contact with those closest to you (boy/girlfriend, husband/wife, etc). At the moment you see him/her, you will feel another shift. This time it is the shift that occurs when you put the persona or pretenses back on, and when you do so, if you pay attention, you can learn a great deal about yourself and your relationships.

That’s all I really want to say about that. I don’t want to give you ideas about what you might feel. You will get an insight, I promise, if you stay in the present.

Single flower

I’ve been on my own all weekend. My husband is away on a wilderness skidoo Ranger exercise, so I’ve been on my own since Friday morning. And I feel different. I can, once again, tell that a pretense has fallen away. It’s a good feeling! I wonder if I am enjoying it so much because I am an introvert and I’m not getting enough time alone? It is strange — I feel comfortable when Darren is around, yet when I am alone, I feel totally at ease. I’m getting lots of insight about why this is, but I don’t want to share it and spoil or taint whatever insight you might get into your relationships.

Let’s just say that you can’t truly be yourself with another person until you know who your true self is.

Note: I realize that many of you can’t just take 3 or 4 days off to perform this experiment. You can try a shorter period of time — 1 day might be enough. You can try imagining or meditating being alone, if there is no other way. You don’t have to go out into the wilderness as I did, but getting away from your usual scene would be helpful — going on a trip, even if it isn’t very far away — and avoiding television or other media. Then, be very alert to how you feel when you reconnect with your significant other.

If anyone else has ever experienced a similar shift, I’d love to hear about it! Leave comments!

Related Posts: Identity Crisis of a Magical Pixie

Abraham-Hicks clip that rocked my world about relationships

Lies We Believe

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Recently, I’ve realized and read some really big truths. Or rather, I’ve realized some really big lies that many of us believe without even realizing it.

1 - The lie: Outside things control us. The full quotation from The Science of Mind by Ernest Holmes says

We have thought that outside things controlled us, when all the time we have had that within which could have changed everything and given us freedom from bondage. – Holmes

Although we may think that our external environment controls what we do or how we live, it simply isn’t true. You never give up your control over your actions and thoughts. In tough times, you can choose to think positively. When someone is rude to you, you can choose to be polite. We have complete, utter sovereignty over our thoughts and therefore our lives.

2 – The lie: Things create more things. You might think, “no, people create things.” That’s not exactly true either. When it comes to creating anything in our lives, attitudes create things. And when I say “things,” I mean physical objects, circumstances, etc. You have probably experienced the frustration of trying to do something and just none of it will go right — your attitude, or thoughts, have made that thing hard to do, or they’ve made you want to do them when it isn’t the right time yet. If you get into an A-type personality mode, you can often push hard to do something that just isn’t needed/ready/the best thing to do. So your attitude creates a difficult time.
But getting back to the idea that attitudes create things, just realize that anything, good or bad, is in your life because you brought it there through a conscious or subconscious attitude and only you can remove it or change it. That is the foundation, but I don’t want to make it sound like it’s just “snap your fingers and voilà, it’s done.” It’s quite a bit of work to start being aware of what you’re thinking and how that’s affecting your life, and then learning to change it!

3 – The lie: Women need make-up. Why? To be attractive, of course. But make no mistake — you don’t attract people by how you look. Society feeds us the lie that women need make-up (and hair products, and skin lotions…) and popular media tries to tell us that our worth is tied to our looks, but that is so wrong! We attract people by who we are. We each have our own way of being, which includes our body language (like how we talk, move, look people in the eye, etc) and personality, but it also includes that “je ne sais quoi” — that special something, a person’s spirit. Sometimes, when you meet someone new, you can just tell you’re going to be friends with them. Or you might get a funny vibe not to trust them. In either case, it doesn’t have much to do with how they look, and we must stop believing the lie that we need to BUY THINGS to change the way we look to be more attractive. It’s just NOT TRUE! Authenticity should guide us instead. [Dove Evolution video]

4 – The lie: Men attract women by what they do. For the most part, men are told they have to do something cool, interesting, money-making, etc, to be successful and attract women. Or that they have to be clever/witty or romantic to say the right thing to get the girl.
Not true. You are not what you do. You attract by who you are. You don’t need a sexy job like race car driver to get the girls! Your attitude/spirit will attract them. Be the kind of person you want to attract — if you want a fun-loving, honest girl, be that. If you want a positive, easy-going partner, be that. Trust me, girls aren’t saying “I want a paramedic boyfriend” or “I want a guy who works at the Ford dealership!” It doesn’t matter what you do, it matters who you are. Think about who you would attract by who you are.

I think that the standard stereotypes are starting to be reversed, too. Men are now much more concerned about how they look, and products are now being pushed on them too (such as shave-gel, cologne, hair products). I’m guessing the products and marketing came first and then men started developing concern for their appearance. And women are now becoming more concerned with what they do, too.

I leave you with this last thought: You are not who you think you are… no one is. With no distractions, when you are truly alone with yourself, who are you? If you have no idea, but wish you did, go away by yourself with no distractions (TV, books, hobbies) and no mirror for 4+ days and I think you’ll find out! I certainly did when I went on my long kayak trip. It was wonderful!

Identity Crisis of a Magical Pixie

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Amazing cliffs along the river!

Since returning from 7 days of wilderness paddling, I’ve had a slight identity crisis. I have a few mental images of myself that don’t quite match up to the mirror! I paddled through some very hot weather, and in my mind’s eye, my hair had been bleached by the sun to the point of being white-blonde. And when my hair blew across my face, that’s what colour it was. So that’s the image I had. I also had some pretty awesome experiences that made me feel like an absolute goddess… bathing in the river, drying in the sun on a sandy beach… magical. I was like a mermaid. So now I feel like, uh, I was a goddess sort of in the past. Now I’m just me again. Kinda makes me sad. So, I just have to remember that experience and know that I really am magical!

Then, because of all the paddling, lifting, and the 11-km sprint at the end, I felt like the HULK! I mean, I built some serious muscles! However… when I looked in the mirror, I really didn’t look any different! I felt like I had such pipes! But I look the same as before. Although today I noticed my shoulders in my peripheral vision — so maybe I have a few new muscles. :) And my abs… I noticed them today, too.

One afternoon, I saw an Elk cow and calf! I was so excited! They didn't seem to be aware of me at all, so I took lots of pics.

I was a magical pixie with gorgeous blonde hair, adventurous and free… and at times, all I want to do is return to that world.

As a magical pixie, I seem to have lost some of my businesswoman-liness. I feel shy and don’t feel like doing any promotion — marketing leaves a bad taste in my mouth. At the canoe races on the weekend, I actually had a little trouble talking to people — that’s new for me! I feel very introverted, and I used to be pretty balanced between the two extremes (introversion and extroversion). Or, at least, I was an introvert who had figured out how to act extroverted. Now, I don’t feel like acting whatsoever — I am fully into being my genuine self, no pretenses. Which is a good thing, right? Not something we are usually able to do! But I seem to have lost some social skills as well. So, are social skills just us acting, playing roles? I guess so! And I’m out of practice, and it’s not coming back to me all that quickly either.

Overall, I guess you could say I haven’t quite emerged from my journey within.

Incredible sandy beach

I thought I might be overly serious when I returned, like I had really grown up. I figured after 8 days of being super-responsible (which I was), facing survival on my own abilities (which I did), and being completely independent (ditto), I might be somewhat annoyed by the mundane. This is true in some respects, but I have also connected to my inner child, I think. During the trip, I certainly saw things through new eyes. I sang while I paddled — silly songs, fun songs, made-up songs. “Hey little bird, hey little bird, flying with your big wings. Hey little bird, hey little bird, flying so high…” I looked at the wildflowers, greeted the sun and clouds, and adopted a great child-like wonder of nature. Now that I am back, that has slipped — but I’ve been indoors a lot more now, which was very, very hard to get used to after living outside for 24/7. I hated it. Being inside isn’t natural! Working on a computer isn’t natural! I couldn’t even touch it for a whole day after I returned. I also noticed humming sounds in the house that I had never noticed before, and the neighbour’s lawn mower was unbearably loud, almost painful. I guess my senses were heightened, and now they have to desensitize again.

So that’s a little of where I’m at. I am sure that I’ll return to normal again, probably… although I had some extremely spiritual experiences too, that I think have changed me. More on that another time. Hope you enjoyed these few pictures — I have so many good ones! I may have to start using flickr and share them that way. But I already have Panoramio, so I guess I’ll use that… :) I’ll let you know where to find them once I upload them!

Paddling on a cloudy morning

Looking In

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I’ve just had a brain wave, although I am supposed to be going to bed and my brain waving goodnight! Nevertheless, I’ve learned that it’s good to get these things out, and tonight my venue will be my blog!
The wave is this: why do we always look outside ourselves for peace? I could also say, why do we always look outside ourselves for love, or for happiness, or for affirmation? All these things are found within ourselves, yet we often look everywhere but inside! When everything else is stripped away, that’s where peace is. When we realize God created us, and we are amazing and awesome, then we feel loved. Happiness comes only from looking within and living in the moment, choosing to be happy. The external world is the worst place to look for it, because it’s so fickle – sometimes giving it, sometimes holding it in front of us like a carrot, and then yanking it away again. Self-affirmation comes from love and self-assuredness – the right kind of confidence, assertiveness and humility, based in proper self-love and knowing that God/Spirit loves us too.
I think if we spent more time looking inward, we might be a lot happier! But we have to look long enough to get past the little things that bother us, look waaaaay past the petty things we don’t like about ourselves right now, and go deep into the part of us that is only, simply, God’s child, his creation, loved and here on a journey of exploration. We need to disconnect from cares of this world, the busyness of the season, comparing ourselves, complaining about little things and worrying in general. Positivity is the key!
Well, that’s enough ranting… it’s getting late! Love y’all! Take care!